my hero.

I am an only daughter...and being that comes along with the whole package of getting undivided attention,pampering...the works.Whether m spoilt or not...well u decide...dont think i am though..
Anyway..ever since i could recognize his face,his moustache and his voice,my dad's been my hero..my superman..
He is my biggest support,my biggest weapon,my strongest armour,my softest teddy bear.
I like to believe i am just like him..the way i speak,the way i walk the way i think...sometimes i wish i was a boy just so i could be more like him.
I have heard lots about his experiences...his pranks as a kid,his antics as a kid,his heroics as a young man,his struggles as a responsible son,husband and father.But....never from him.I ve only heard about them when he tells his friends,or any other group that he might be entertaining an evening.I ve heard bout them from my mon who was a part of all his journeys...
But never from him,never father to daughter,never dadooli to pillu.
I always sit in on his conversations with his friends,his colleagues...hoping to learn more about him,about the world even....because daddy never has discussions with me.Atleast about intelligent issues.He expects me to excel,his eyes light up when i mention my achievements and i ve also seen the frustration,anger and sadness in his eyes when i fail.But what i really want is for my daddy to tell me one on one.About the world,about himself...not just listen in on conversations with other people.
OUR conversations are more about how i am his lil daughter,about how i am his lil baby...about how I will always listen to him(said jokingly),about how i was when i was a child of 1,2,...7...
But daddy,I am 19 now.Yes,you cherish those memories...i love to hear about them too and i never want that to stop.But i want to be talked to..the way you might hv talked to a son...
You expect me to be intelligent,confident,smart...you want me to be YOU.And i try really hard....you have no idea.
Everything i do,say,think.....is with you in my mind...."would daddy be proud?would daddy do this?was my daddy LIKE this?"
I don't like it when you sometimes call me stupid,or when you complain bout my being WASTED to mamma...I am not.I really am not.I would never do ANYTHING that would put you to shame.EVER.
Recently you have ben working very hard.you ALWAYS have but this time age isnt on your side.I can see that you get tired climbing the stairs....and it breaks my heart....my superhero is aging.Which is why i really want you to stop smoking..to eat right,to not have too many late nights.
But you never listen,maybe because you think i dont understand much....maybe cause you think i am stupid...and i hate that.
I dont just want big hugs and having to constantly tell you that you re my daddy dearest and "mee tujhich".I want discussions,i want you to participate in my GROWING UP-mentally,intellectually....i want you to participate directly....not just through your discussions with other people.
whatver i know today,whatever i think...the way i act...is all because of you....because i WANTED to be like you...and always will.I just wish those lessons had come straight from you to me.
You the best daddy.
Just talk to me.
More often.....bout things i need to know...for my future...
But dont ever stop being my dadooli....cause that would be a bigger loss.
love always,
Babbu.